At about 12:15 a.m. I started to hurt. A deep ache that I haven't felt for a while but one that I know will probably last for the next few weeks. I have never been one to get over things quickly. Memory, in that way, can be both a good and bad thing I suppose. I can remember faces, dates, events, all with vivid lucidity and they never seem to leave me, even when I'm ready to move on. I guess you never really do fully "escape" that past - no matter how "21" you can be.
Contrary to popular belief, immediate reactions for me are never emotional - they are always mitigated, thought thoroughly and particularly rational. It's what happens after where I fall apart. Unravelled slowly until I reach this deep aching feeling inside. To be honest, I don't know what to think nor can I make sense of anything that I'm feeling at this moment. All I know is maybe - just maybe - it will be gone soon. "Out of sight, out of mind" always seems to work. So perhaps all I need is to get out of this city. All that stands in my way is a forty-page thesis and a slew of papers and exams. It can't possibly be that hard can it?
As a caveat to this entry, let me just say this: I don't like it. It's too exposed and so unlike the anecdotes I usually give. At the same time, I needed to write and so I ended up here. Every blog should have it's stain. So be it.
1 comment:
AUTHOR: JAck
DATE: 03/16/2005 05:56:46 AM
Yay! You're back blogging. I was jsut checking in to see how things were going. Well, Tru. I think it's time we meet again. I shall give you a call tomorrow.
Tru, if any of these "hurts" you keep mulling over are related to me, please let me know so that we can kncok dowm some of the walls that God has not intended to be in your life. I love you lots Tru!
Jack
Post a Comment