Okay. So it's a cheeky co-opt of Spenser's 1596 'A Veue of the Present State of Ireland'. But that's the only title I could think of. And it's been milling around in my mind for a good 48 hours now. So I've decided to just set it to paper. Looks good doesn't it? By far (understatement) not as significant, but an appropriate title on a much lesser scale.
I think I just want to say thank you to everyone out there. It's a bit cheesy I know but these past couple of weeks have been hard, and they would've been much more difficult had it not been for the conversations (small and large), shoulders, prayers, and just plain ol' 'God-totally-loves-His-children' kind of encouragement. I guess that's the difference between Christian support and non (I'm attempting to speak objectively now though I know in no way is that possible).
It's not the blind blanket statement: 'You can do it, I know you can'. It's a much more tempered truth. Even for those who truly do believe in me (who have no idea how much their belief, their validation means to me - no idea), they also wisely acknowledge that - as a good friend of mine put it last night - 'we can't force His hand'. Everything we experience, everything that we go through, 'suffer' through, is for the purpose of His glory. It's so true and I want to keep learning about that. I want to understand it more.
So I guess the current state is this: the last part of the jigsaw puzzle is this dissertation. I've been working on it but there are times where I get scared to write, not having felt validation in such a long time. But there's nothing I can really do about that until I hand in that first draft. And in a way, I'm just praying for favour (as the OT people used to do in the Bible) in the sight of my supervisor. Favour not in the way of 'telling me everything is okay when it's not'. He's always been honest about my work. That I appreciate. The favour that I'm asking for is for an objective, unbiased view of my work, a heart that will be soft in its approach to that first draft. I pray for an open, liberal mind. On the other side of the coin, I pray that my work will reflect my attempt to write better, to write more truthfully. Things like that.
For now, the immediate future is still quite blurry. But for the first time, the bigger picture is clearer and that speaks volumes about the next state: the state of the soul. At least, that's what I'm hoping for.
Gonville & Caius College Library 
Stack 1 of resources for Chapter 2 
Back Window
Above: state of the place I've been working in (I've recently traded the dusty stacks of the University Library for the beauty of my College. Click to enlarge)
1 comment:
AUTHOR: An
DATE: 08/02/2006 02:52:10 AM
hahah nice stack of books, tru!! Glad to hear you're persevering thru all the sweat and toil and typing but hard work really does pay off, even if the input/output ratio may not seem to actually exist. It does. Let our lives and how far we've come so far be the testament. You're in my thoughts & prayers. :)
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Karen
DATE: 08/02/2006 03:52:32 AM
I want to thank you for the lovely comment left on my blog this morning (your yesterday evening, I suppose). I hope you have found "your voice." I think that your reflection and prayer over God's grace can only bubble up an honest perspective. I've always appreciated your earnestness. I hope the literary world does, too.
For a while, your site was down and I was afraid you weren't blogging anymore. I'm glad that isn't true. I look forward to reading more posts!
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