that there's this noise in my heart. It's not a murmur. It's just - noise.
My housemates told me during dinner tonight that they've recently found a place and will be moving in September.
You don't understand.
These are my surrogate parents. These are my friends. They've been my family since I've arrived and the house feels so safe when they're home. They are mom and dad. We eat dinner together. They give me pep talks when I have a bad day. They feed me chocolate chip pancakes when I'm hungry.
They are mom and dad. And they'll be moving out at the end of this month.
We had a good long talk after dinner tonight and decided that as much as we'll miss each other, that it'll be okay. I understand. College accommodation can only take you so far and there really is a time for everything. And I know that God's timing is the best. I know. I came to this small little town 8000 km away from home this year and had all the friends I could ever need, had all the warmth and comfort that I could ever ask for. God gave me a best Cambridge friend who could empathize with me in every possible way and He gave me good neighbors and a good 'family' to take care of me. Everything has been such a blessing.
It's just hard to imagine what the 'best' for next year could be. It's hard to imagine what this next month will be like even. But maybe that's the point. Maybe we're kept from knowing so that we'll trust. Or maybe, God really does love to surprise us.
It's just hard. To say goodbye I mean. I've had to say so many in this past month that my eyes are still burning. Maybe that's why God made people in pairs, because He knew that if He could give you one person to stick by you through thick and thin then it wouldn't hurt so much, that life wouldn't hurt so much. Two souls facing life together, diminishing its pain, overcoming its trials, helping each other to grow closer to the Creator and fulfilling each other's purpose. Things like that. Things like that.
11,000 words today. 4,000 tomorrow. Supervision this Friday. I'm pretty tired and I miss home.
1 comment:
AUTHOR: Lisheng
DATE: 08/03/2006 09:19:59 AM
To quote Robert Burton's Anatomy of Melancholy: "We make a pattern better than we know. Keep on doing it".
I'm not sure about the context, but I am sure that the pattern is better than we know because we did not devise it ourselves, and we cannot yet step back and see the full tapestry in all its glory. For the moment it resides in the Divine Author's mind, waiting to be beautifully unfolded, and you and I have to trust Him and weave the next thread, taking it in and out of the ripples of moving circumstance, in accordance with the fragmentary direction that He gives, enough only for the moment.
I agree about the pairs thing, but sometimes the pattern requires that pairs be separated at a juncture, or remain separate until a later juncture, or simply as lone threads weave their way through the fabric the whole time (cf 1st Corinthians 7). It is a hard thing to be such a thread... and yet those threads, like all the others, are absolutely crucial to the beauty and balance of the design.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: kelvin
DATE: 08/10/2006 12:21:55 AM
it is a hard thing to be such a thread.
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