The Screwtape Letters and The Chronicles of Narnia

Back when we were young, our teachers asked us what we would like to be when we grew up. Some of us replied "Firemen" or "Doctor", others "Actress" or "Pilot", but by far the most popular answer was "I want to be a Marine Biologist."

For the greater part of my life, I have always been connected to some part of literature. It wasn't just about the teaching, it was about an expression of living and a way of trying to figure out life and all the experiences that went into its creation. There is no doubt in my mind that the beauty of literature touches all of us in some way. I have no doubt that books can make us cry or grow angry, or that we trust the written word over the spoken; I do not doubt its authority. What I do doubt is the significance of researching and writing about works written nearly 400 years ago; I doubt the signifiance of my own thesis project.

A girl in my Lit.Ethics seminar recently presented a report on the Creation of Subjectivity through Desire and Lack. As a PhD student, she was asked to discuss her thesis in light of the ethical issues that might surround it. While her peers touched on issues such as "Professional Ethics" in relation to copyright, she revealed a more personal concern; she closed by asking herself the ethical question of significance - the significance of her work.

These past few days have been really difficult for me. It has been difficult because I feel like I have read so much and retained so little. At present, I do not have a working thesis and the feeling has left me drained and tired. It has been so hard because I feel like the reason why I DON'T have a thesis is because I no longer believe in my project.

The silver lining in this cloud, however, lies in the potter and not the clay. Namely speaking - God's promise to us in Jeremiah. It's by far one of my favorite verses and it goes a little something like this:

'"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me. I will be found by you," - J 29":11-13

And maybe that's the key. Maybe that's what I've been missing. At the beginning of this journey, I had asked God to take whatever I could give and to use it to the fullest. Overtime, I had forgotten just how to do that. Slowly it's coming back. I can serve God by being passionate about life, by loving the gifts that He's given me.

My entry will close like this:

In these past few weeks, I have become enthralled by the work of Edmund Spenser. The Faerie Queene is by far the most spectacular thing I have ever read and - in C.S. Lewis' own words - "[it] is perhaps the most difficult poem in English." He realized this after forty years of reading it.

C.S. Lewis was a great man. Not only was he a man of God, but he was also a Professor of Renaissance Literature. Ironically enough, my research has forced me to study his work alongside of Spenser's as he was an important authority on Spenser, Sidney and Shakespeare. There are so many things to say about him but I will just say this: reading him has reminded me that this work I plan to base my life around is not frivilous. He loved the same things I love and my hope is that I will someday be able to glorify God as much as he did - not necessarily by accomplishments or by the amount of published works; rather, by the love and passion of my heart.

Words have the power to shape a reality and my hope is that I will be able to be some part of that, whatever it might be. It feels good to have a role model.