Well, it has been a couple of really brutal days. Resolutely waking up at 7:00 am this morning, I went to the library to write the take-home final I've been working on for the past 3 days. As calculated in my mind, 21 hours of research translated itself into 5 hours of writing this morning. Praise God. I really couldn't have done it without Him :)
So after a quick lunch, I started studying for my last final (Tuesday). It's been really slow and I'm surprised at just HOW slow I'm moving but my eyes kind of hurt and my back kind of aches from hunching over so maybe it's normal.
These days I've been thinking a lot about Cambridge and Oxford. No, I'm not afraid to say them out loud now, not for any confidence on my part (no, not at all!) but rather, I've found that it's kind of silly and somewhat pretentious when people ask specifically and genuinely where you're thinking of applying and you are purposely evasive. I've found that this only makes them feel like you have something to hide and that you think yourself somewhat higher than them. It's no secret and I guess my stand now is that it's okay to for people to see you fail. I've found that it's incredibly humbling.
There are days when I imagine working in those grand libraries and walking through the gardens of colleges built over 800 years ago. A part of me desires it so much and lately, I've been wondering why I haven't come before God to ask for it.
I once heard someone say something to the effect that God wants us to tell Him our deepest desires, that we should. And that when we do, we will know His full blessing when He grants them (should they be in line with His will of course). So I've been thinking about that. A lot actually, and wondering why I've been so afraid of telling Him honestly that this is what my heart desires in the same way that I used to shirk away from honestly answering my peers' questions. These days, I've been wanting to - tell Him I mean - and so much so that my heart aches.
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