It's 1:37 in the morning and the door is closed and locked. This weekend has been crazy in a whirlwind of events but it was really nice having people and noise in the apartment again; it was nice coming home to people, coming home to a best friend and flowers and mess. Now, the house is clean and quiet - after dropping off my friend at the station, I came home to find my roomate packed and gone; my cousin left just a few minutes ago.
I resolve this time to be different. I resolve this time, after spending three weeks of discovering that I have the freedom to do whatever I want, that I now also have the freedom to be responsible, to choose what's appropriate, to be accountable once again in my mind and heart to my God. It's been a while since I've placed my life at His feet but I want to. I know I do. I just don't know how. But I need to find my feet in this place, I need to find whatever it is that marks these four months as something of significant weight in my life. And it could be as simple as learning to do things on my own, responsibly.
I had a lot of fun this weekend. I didn't necessarily get to do all the things I had planned or spend some much needed quality downtime but I was given a few really awesome moments with one of my best friends - here and there, at the bus station, making cards and getting ink all over our hands, boutique shopping and eating a heart attack meal at the new orleans restaurant on Whyte Ave - the weekend was packed but interrupted with moments I really needed, moments I really treasure.
So, it's nearly 2:00 am right now and I should sleep. Too much excitement this week and it doesn't stop tomorrow. Cakes to bake and things to do - it's my aunt's birthday dinner tomorrow night. This weekend was awesome and I'm blessed because of it.
1 comment:
laughing and crying right now. Can I just add a hyperlink from my blog to yours, cuz you seem to have found the words that I couldn't, which is why my blog has been empty for the past month. I'm so confused right now, and yet i'm not. I'm here and there, and i thought that i'd be able to live on my own without so much as a hiccup. But i can't, and i'm learning all the lessons you are too. I think, Tru, i think i'm also lonely here. I gasp as I say the words cuz i've been adament in being strong and not letting myself admit it. Despite having all these people that i'm "supposed" to be able to call on whenever I want, there's this invisible wall between me and the world and i feel doomed to forever been peering in through a dusty, stained window. I don't like this so much, Tru. And yet, i can't go back. There's nothing for me to go back to, my life has been dissolved and i've built too many walls. Now it's just me, my God, and my high high walls. Rapunzel had no idea....
May 25, 2004 | Unregistered Commenter An
Sniffles, you guys write too many heart-wrenching blogs! You're making me cry at work! I miss you both like mad, and it was awesome having both of you there for me yesterday. Trust me, the fact that I'm at home doesn't mean I'm any less lonely without you guys. Coming back here and trying to re-connect with people you parted with 3 years ago just doesn't quite cut it when compared to being able to spend a weekend bumming with your best buds.
May 25, 2004 | Unregistered Commenter Dez
hi my girls,
i only have a few seconds but I wanted to just check up and see what you are all up to. I miss you girls like crazy. I'm lonley over here in China too.... you guys are sitting on my desk!
May 27, 2004 | Unregistered Commenter can
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