Some thoughts :)

A bomb has gone off in my room. Literally. Piles of clothes behind me. Piles of papers scattered on my desk: unpaid visa bills, bank statments, papers of scribbles at 2 am and most menacing - a stack of red-marked applications. It has been three years, two months and twenty-eight days since I first embarked on this journey. It has been three years of self-discovery, mistakes and so many lectures and papers and exams. It has been two years since I decided I would go away and now that I'm at this liminal moment, I can't seem to bring myself to step over that threshold, to make that last step.

In many ways, the hard part won't be leaving. I know that those last few moments in Calgary will be hard. I know that. But where this whole process begins is with me, writing my proposal, explaining to those people why I want to go away and why they should be on the receiving end. It all starts here. It all starts with me, giving away my heart in those 300-some words and I can't. Write it. Not yet. Something is missing and I'm not sure what.

This weekend has been something amazing for the soul. One of my best friends came down this weekend (making us three, missing our four) and it was so refreshing to just drop everything and spend time with them. It felt nice going for a late dinner last night and shopping for presents this afternoon. In the midst of trying to fit my life in 300 words, it was nice to just live.