There must be something about 'first nights'. Couldn't sleep my first night in Toronto; can't sleep now.
I have to echo Andy on this one. It really was a wonderful weekend. Filled with food (I cannot tell a lie - this was a motivational force for me to go), my best-friends (minus one - we missed you so much Dez), and both wonderful and familiar surprises. Yes I believe that surprises can be familiar. It's a part of doing something that you've imagined yourself doing with your best friends since you were eleven years old.
On another note, I had a little fight with my parents this weekend. Let's call it 'child-separation-anxiety'. God's grace was shown in the little things, even though I was hardly the devotional servant this weekend. I still find it difficult to do quiet times while on vacation. It's hard to carve out that time when you have such limited time with the people you're with and you want to spend every ounce of it with them. He was definitely with us though, even if it was not in those one-on-one times.
My mom and I have learned how to communicate this year. And it has been a wonderful gift. After our misunderstanding, I tried not to freak out and instead wrote an explanation. I realise my own irresponsibility and fault in the course of events. She surprised me yesterday with an email so very humbling. To have your parents write you an apology humbles you beyond words. God has given us so much grace in our relationship.
My instincts have always told me to act on the spot. I think it's just because I get scared. My mom's the same way.
The thing is, if you just take a deep breath and step back for a moment and try to think things through, you start to see things a lot clearer and the path that you should take reveals itself to you. This, I've learned, is the first step towards compassion, towards empathy. I understand why my mom overreacted. I'm the same way with the people I love.
I think God's changing me (is it okay to say that? is change true if we can recognise it in ourselves?). I won't tell you what happened or what I felt earlier, but today God taught me something when I was picking bananas for my cereal at M & S. Little things like that can change your perspective. Andrea has always said that my greatest fault is my obstinate nature. Gavin's 'character assassination' echoed similar assessments. But I think God's changing me. Little by little, He's teaching me to see beyond my own circumstances and really try to imagine myself in other people's shoes.
And I think, dear reader, I think this is what compassion must feel like.
No comments:
Post a Comment