Thursday, 11 September 2008

NYU

I've been blogging a lot lately - almost every day this week - and I guess it's partly due to the swirl of thoughts in my mind. I've been thinking a lot of about places, the costs, and just what it entails to make it through grad school. As simple as it sounds, it all depends on heart, or what Cambridge likes to call vocation. And it's not an easy thing to have, to have both the heart and disciplined spirit to really "go there." After tossing and turning last night, and talking to a good friend (which is always a good thing) about my own short-comings, I think I've decided that Cambridge and Oxford are simply really faint dreams. And even if I am given the grace to make it over the application hurdles, there's the rest of the nine yards, the rest of the lifestyle to really consider. And I'm not sure about any of it.

Despite them being dreams, I decided last night to nevertheless try, to really, truly try with ALL of my heart. Even if I don't get in, the process will have taught me much about discipline, about what this grand university calls vocation and testify to myself whether or not I have what it takes to make it in grad school. The application procedures are immense and somewhat horrendous but at least I'll know at the end of it that I did it and, what's more, I'll have 20 pages of my thesis to prove it.

I think most of all, I worry about the rest of it, the rest of life. Besides my career, besides that one thing that will dominate a major portion of it, what else is there? And where will I find it? Perhaps that's the most pressing question.

No comments:

Blog Archive